Thoughts of mind
by Jessiy Landroz
Summary: Just a ficlet of Chipp while he thinks to himself. [One Shot]


Thoughts of mind… 

=================

     '_I'm so stupid, me! Chipp Zanuff! In the middle of the night atop a high pagoda! I could just jump and splatter like a pancake and no one would even care! Not even Anji or Baiken would miss me!_ _Meh… I could wish for Baiken, but Anji? That's highly doubtful, he's always hogging that cute redhead to himself, gets so damn bit**y every time I get near her!_' 

'_No one in this world even knows who I really am!!_' 

"Sigh…" 

     '_How long has it been? I've been sitting here for more than an hour my butt's gone numb!_' I stretched out my legs over the hinge and rubbed my rear, if my legs were the ones numb, that's when I should get worried! '_Man, my butt is all tingly._' but I'm alright, the tiles are wavy but comfortable to sit on. I looked up again at the heavenly skies, although I am in a colony, surrounded by Japanese people, they don't count me as one of them, they count me as an outsider! 

     '_Why wouldn't they ever accept me? Sometimes, when I wake up early, I manage to catch up on Baiken when she goes to Yamata's Ramen shop and manage a meal out of it, but things get screwed whenever Anji comes in. Damn! Why does he have to be so darn protective over her? It's not like I'm gonna rape her!_' I rethought about it, '_Actually, she wouldn't let me even if I tried!_' 

"Sigh…" 

     '_I look below me, a few people pass by this pagoda and not notice me, it's ether I'm too good in stealth or they don't even care I'm here!_' I frown, '_Why wouldn't anyone notice me? Do they have any idea how it feels to be left out of everything? How it feels to be the last one to know? How it feels- to be used! To be thrown away like trash?_' I clinched my fists so tight; I heard the leather of my gloves give a desperate squeak. 

"Sigh…" 

     '_Oh the __midnight__ air is so nice and cool, it helps me relax and forget about everything else… I like the night, it's dark, it is vast, beautiful and so- inspiring! I remember when I was younger, when I first met sensei… sure he was a stubborn old grouch that kept knocking a knuckle sandwich to my poor skull, but I sure learned a lot from him, he was like a dad to me._' A smile reached my lips, but the memory faded it away. 

     '_Why did he have to die? Those damn assassins! I'll start my own clan and show them! Nothing would stand in the way of Chipp Zanuff! The greatest of ninjas ever! I'll train so hard my spine would fall off, and then I'll get my self a hot piece of woman and get myself a dozen of kids, I'll  train them to be my successors and then I'll start the clan! Then I'll- I'll…_' I sighed deeply, '_I'll just grow old and die…_' I mumbled to myself.

     I pulled up my knees and hugged them, my eyes to the sky above, '_Oh how the sky is lovely tonight, and the breeze is so nice and cool, pleasant and soothing._' It's not too cold, it's a bit warm, friendly, with a faint smell… an aroma of… of-? '_Ramen?_' I blinked, paused and then looked below me again, and what stroke of luck! 

      Baiken! All alone, she walked her way down; pass the pagoda with a little bag full of Ramen cups in her lonely hand! '_I wonder where she's going._' I thought to myself, she couldn't possibly eat all of that by herself! '_Hell, whenever I'm with her at the Ramen shop she hardly finishes her plate!_' So what is she going to do with all those cups? '_Sigh… she's probably going to share them with Anji._' I frown, she had always had an eye for that guy, and I can't blame her. 

     '_Anji isn't a perverted albino ninja who grabs my ass whenever he gets the chance!_' she once yelled at me, what am I to say? I like her butt! It's so damn cute! And she's so damn sexy! And talking about sexy, I remember sensei told me once about some technique he called Sexy no Jutsu… for whenever it does, but he died before teaching me. '_From the name, I think it's some kind of trick to impress women?_' I thought it, '_Nah~ sounds too flashy._'

     '_Who am I kidding! She never notices me! Even when we're at the ramen shop she hardly pays attention to me._' I sighed and looked at the sky again, '_I like her so much it hurts, but she doesn't even care! For her, I'm just some guy, a perverted, albino nobody._' 

     I think about her words again, and it hurts, I frown and gnaw on my lower lip, '_An otaku dork albino, the perverted, drug addicted albino! She always calls me that… just because my hair is silver-white and my eyes are red doesn't mean I'm some kind of animal freak for her to call me that! I am a human! A human being!_'  

"Hey! Zanuff!!" 

     A gruff voice called me from below, so I snapped out of my thoughts and looked down. To my surprise, it was Baiken! A solemn expression on her face, her cleave was nowhere to be seen from this height. '_Maybe if I go down- ?_' I smirked to myself, snapped and then slapped myself, '_There you go again with the perverted thoughts, get them out of your head you idiot or you'll be single for the rest of your pathetic life!_' 

"Hey! Zanuff! You awake?" 

"Just a minute!" I called back and made my way down to her. Luckily there were a few trees that helped me down. "Hey! What's up?" 

"You were." She said blankly, "What were you doing up there? Trying to catch your death of cold? Or were you secretly taking those sleeping pills again?" she looked at me suspiciously. 

"Um, nether!" I said truthfully, "I was just- trying to pass time!" 

She looked at me, a look of suspicion again, "You paused," she noted, "what were you doing up there, really?" she arched a brow, now looking more sardonic. 

"I was lonely, okay?" I blurted out, blushing, '_She wanted the truth, then fine! I told her the truth!_' 

That's when something hit me! '_Did she care?_' 

"Say, uh… where's Anji?" I asked, wanting to know where my rival went, I don't want to start wooing her and only end up with him crashing my party. 

"Anji? Oh he scrammed out of the colony three hours ago," she told me, "why can't he take a break and rest for a change is what I don't understand." She shrugged. 

"Oh?" '_Great! So he's out and you're all mine, baby!_' I grin to myself in joy, "So! You free tonight?" I smirk.

She shot me a glare, "Fat chance, buddy." She snorted. 

In that moment, the moon shined on us, and I could practically see her blush! Her eyes –looking at me- weren't so cold!

"The shopkeeper had too many left and he didn't want them left to rot so he gave them to me, I was his last customer," she began, "so since I really don't want them I thought someone who eats like a pig –like you!-  might be interested in taking them." She hoisted the bag up to me, "Take it." 

I look at the bag, '_I don't eat like a pig!_' I mumble.

"Hell you do!" She retorted, so I guess I over voiced my thoughts. 

"Do not." I pout. 

"Do you have any idea how disgusting you are when you eat? You make me sick, no matter how hungry I am, when I look at you I feel disgustedly full and about to throw it all up." She admitted, disgusted, but faintly blushing, "Learn some table manners, Baka…" she shoved the bag into my hands and walk away, "Just make sure you don't chock on it!"  

I look at her as she walks away… 

"Baiken! Wait!" I hugged the bag and ran after her; she paused and then turned around to face me.

"What?" she replied, clearly she's annoyed. 

"Um," I hesitate; I don't even know what to say!

She looked at me, waiting. 

'_Man I feel so stupid!_' I felt the heat invade my cheeks, I hugged the bag a bit tighter and then looked at her again, eye to eye. 

She didn't flinch, she looked back, calm…

"Sigh…" she shook her head and gave me a tiny smile, '_She smiled! She's smiling! For me!_' 

"**!**" skip a heartbeat. I felt the heat burning my face and I could feel the heat reaching my earlobes too! My legs have gone shaky and my tongue is knotted up, I can't think of anything to say! 

"Chipp, what is it?" she asked, sardonically, she arched a brow. 

     The moon shined brighter, her beautiful creamy skin is shining with beauty, the moon is giving her an angelic form, and she looks as if she's glowing! Her skin! Her white kimono and her hair, her beautiful red hair, oh how much I'd love to reach out and touch that skin, to feel the beauty under my fingertips for once, but even as I think that, my hands shake and I hug the bag tighter, tighter to the point when my heart started beating loudly in my ears.  

"Zanuff?" she called me, "Are you alright? You're shaking all over!" 

I note that I'm looking down at my feet, I'm just so nervous, I want to tell  her how much I like her but- I'm such a cowered! So I frown and close my eyes, "N- never mined…" I manage to say, "Bye…" I swallow and turn away, my strides are wide, the only proof of my need to get out of there as quick as possible. 

~*~*~*~*~

     I never looked back, I'm at a rooftop now, but I remember that I never looked back! Maybe… just maybe, if I have looked back, I would've seen her- seen her if she cared. '_She didn't follow me, nor did she try to stop me, so I guess she doesn't care._' 

     I look besides me, a single open cup of ramen was there, chopsticks ready, I just poured some hot water on it, I have to leave it for five minutes for it to be ready. '_I wonder why she even thought of me, she usually goes looking for Anji._' I forked a few silver bangs from my temple, '_I guess it is because Anji left the colony…_' I tilt my head and look at the colony's walls. 

     I lay back on the roof, arms clasped behind my head, but that's when I felt something under my butt! I quickly sit back up and reach into my back pockets, I found a little bag. '_Oh, my sleeping pills!_' I blinked, toying with the little bag in the palm of my hand; I frown and place it besides the ramen cup. '_I think it's done by now._' I pick up the cup and separate the chopsticks, stabbing the ramen. 

     I slurp in a long one and it slaps my nose, the juice slapped my eye so I placed down the cup and rub it off. '_I ate too fast_.' I frown. Right then, I remembered what Baiken said, '_I eat like a pig?_' I frown, '_That hurts! I'm not a pig! I just like to enjoy myself during a meal!_' I pout. 

     I sigh deeply, lean back and my hand rest over the little bag again, I look at it and think, '_Why don't I just take a few and get myself out of trouble till morning?_' I think, but then again, Baiken always teases me about these pills, '_Only a cowered would use these to escape the real world, if you don't have the courage to face real life then it's a loss being a shinobi!_' she lectured. 

     '_To put it more nicely, you should let go of these if you really want to start your own clan, Chipp!_' Anji told me as well. '_Hell! It's not that easy, damn it! I'm addicted to these! At-least I don't stab myself with drug shots anymore! The blue spots are gone now, but I still remember their pain. For me, sleeping pills are bliss! I can't sleep without them!_' I close my hand over the pills, clutched tight. 

"Damn it!" I curse and throw them as far as I could. 

     Now, I just stood there atop the roof, anger making me feel warm all over. The breeze blew softly, a poor attempt to comfort me, a soft, cool, breeze. '_What would I do to have her in my arms._' I permit myself a smile. '_Baiken is so beautiful, a true piece of woman, I bet she'd give me a hell dozen of kids._' I smile, just thinking of having kids from her make me feel so good, so giddy it's kind of silly.

     '_Oh I can imagine it, me and Baiken, just the two of us, we're sitting in a living room, she's right besides me and our kids playing around,_' I sit down and clasp my hands behind my head again, gazing at the beautiful moon. '_I hold her, nice and tight, and she would smile back at me, I'd kiss her and she'll kiss back! I'd hug her, feel her and she's just rest in my arms. Our kids would play about and give Anji trouble._' 

     '_Heh heh! Man that would be fun! I'd love to see him being tortured for once! I can see it now, the kids jump on him like cats on a fish while I cuddle my pretty wife._' My body feels light and I smile, '_Baiken in my arms… oh what a beautiful dream, I could sleep like this forever…_'

~*~*~*~*~

    For the pass few seconds, all I could see was myself with Baiken in my arms, but then… the place started getting pretty warm, so I turn to my side and curl over myself, that's when my foot hit something, I heard a soft '_tap_' and then something started rolling? It took a minute before I heard a started yelp! 

     Bug eyed, I rubbed the sleepy dust and gazed around, the sun was coming up already? '_Morning?_' I realize, and then I hear cursing, so I carefully crawl to the side of the roof and peek down, for my surprise, I see Anji with ramen on his head! '_Oops! I forgot about the ramen cup! I must've kicked it by mistake and it got dumped on him!_' I bite my lower lip and duck back when he looked up, '_But I thought he was out of town! What's he doing here?_' 

"Ha ha!! Anji! Wh- what happened to you?" Baiken's voice was clear; clearly she was holding back her laughter. 

"Some jerk dumped ramen on me! What else?" Anji growled, "When I get my hands on him I'll-  Grr~!" 

"Never mind that, to take a bath before you attract all the mosquitoes from a mile over!" The redhead taunted, laughing.

"Uh, yeah, good idea." He replied, and I hear his feet walk back into the building. 

     I sneak a peek down again, Baiken was wearing her sugar-white kimono again, she had a knapsack on her back and her sword was at her side, clearly enough, she was leaving! '_Maybe Anji came back for her?_' I knot my brows, it's possible, after all, they usually go around together whenever they get a change, even though Baiken doesn't like to show her true feelings, I sometimes get the hint that she doesn't like him, she just like the company!

"So? You coming down or what?" 

"Huh?" I jerk around, and then look down; Baiken was looking up right back at me!

"Baka! Just because you don't like Anji doesn't mean you can dump ramen on him!" she scolded. 

"I didn't mean that, honest! It just kind of- slipped!" I shrugged.

She groaned, cupped her hip and turned a little, still looking up at me, "You're such an idiot!" 

I was going to talk back, but then realized that she got that cleavage again, '_Damn, she looks so damn cute like that!_' I muse to myself, "I'm not coming down," I told her, "why should I anyway? I've a good profile-view of you from here, and it's a safe spot, too!" I smile. 

She blushed and stomped her foot, "Jackass!" she whirled around and into the building again.

~*~*~*~*~

     After a while, Anji managed some new clothes and then he and Baiken carried their things, later that night I over heard a guard saying that they managed to escape the colony, Sol Badguy went after them a while after. '_I wouldn't be surprised if they told me they ran for their honeymoon._' I snicker to myself. 

     True that- Baiken is a beautiful woman, and Anji is a nice guy too, a bit stupid looking at first, but he's a good guy, I think he'll make her happy. I sigh deeply again, it feels so heavy to be so lonely… I know that all I can do is dream; it's probably the only thing I'm good at! After all, Anji keep whining that I'm a loud mouth and talk too much and say nothing but nonsense… 

     It's midnight again now and I cant just lay around and do nothing, so I jump off the roof and head to the near park, the colony had a nice park in the middle for the people to visit when they want, and there, in the heart of the park is an enormous tree with some kind of beads around it, I have no idea what kind of 'sacred' tree it is, but it sure is a hell lot of fun climbing it! I always go to the top and watch the sky, I can see the whole colony from that height, but maybe some other time, I'll go to the old abandoned side of the part to train, there is an old tree there that I like to train at. 

~*~*~*~*~

     I've been training all night, I know if I train I'll be better than I can start my own clan and avenge sensei's death! If I concentrate, and do just like Baiken said, then I'll be better, I have to let go of my dreaming and work for a change or all my training would go to waste! I don't want that to happen… 

Who knows… maybe if I get better my dreams **will** come true!

I'll just keep working and everything will be fine! 

Sensei once said: '_A dream is called a dream because it never comes true, so don't call your hopes a dream unless you **know** you can accomplish it!_'

A dream is never a dream if you put your heart into it… 

~*~*~*~

A/N: Sorry for the lame ending, I'm really sorry, I'm good in coming up with new ideas and new openings for a fic, but I suck –big time!- in ending it properly! Any ideas how to edit this ending into a more fitting one?


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